


It Was Just A Fever Dream...

by GirlAhgase



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Bottom Choi Youngjae, Complicated Relationships, Gay, M/M, Oral Sex, Top Im Jaebum | JB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:22:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23479159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlAhgase/pseuds/GirlAhgase
Summary: Jaeboem pretended it didn't happen.Youngjae thought it was a dream.They've waited years to make it real but the other members keep getting in the way
Relationships: 2jae - Relationship, Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	1. Why Does My Foolish Heart Keep Being Like This?

‘And then as I came out of the bathroom they were obviously arguing. Jack turned away from me and didn’t even say goodbye as he left’ Youngjae moved closer to JB as he was talking until his head was resting on his shoulder. He picked at imaginary bits of fluff on his trousers as he spoke. JB frowned as he placed his hand to the back of his neck and made gentle circles with his thumb to calm him. ‘What did Jinyoung say?’ he asked. Youngjae’s brow wrinkled into a frown as he answered, ‘that’s the thing, nothing, he looked at me and I thought he was going to cry, Hyung what’s going on?’ he turned fully towards JB who kept contact with the back of his neck and continued his gentle stroking’s. ‘I don’t know Jaejae. He hasn’t said a word to me, but he’s been really busy, you’ve seen him rush from our schedule to his film rehearsals. Why do those two always give me a headache. They are worse than the kids!’ He moved his hand to wrap completely around the back of Youngjae’s neck and placed his forehead against his. ‘You want to go and get some food?’ he asked and Youngjae nodded and smiled. JB noticed the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He forced himself to break the eye contact and remove his hand, he stood up reaching out his hand to the younger man who took hold of it immediately. ‘Shall we collect the kids; they are still having their fittings?’ Youngjae asked as JB held the door open for him to pass through. JB tried to feel some enthusiasm at collecting the two noisiest members to eat with them but didn’t want Youngjae upset any further so agreed hiding his displeasure at a meal with two tornados.  
As it turned out the two youngest members were tired and only at heavy storm level and JB could manage them at close quarters. Youngjae laughed and talked with them but JB could tell he was re-running the episode with Jackson and Jinyoung in his head and he was lost to the conversation on more than one occasion. Luckily the maknae’s just wanted to eat and go home. Yugyeom had received a message halfway through the meal that Mark was home from China, and he was eager to get back to the house they shared. Bambam talked with Youngjae about their pet babies and concerns about their impending tour and who would care for them now Youngjae’s brother had married and moved away. JB brooded about the incident Youngjae had witnessed and checked his phone numerous times to see if either of the parties involved had messaged him. He hadn’t realised he had sighed out loud until the familiar touch on his thigh, he felt his muscle twitch in recognition of the owner of the hand. He looked up into the gentlest pair of eyes he knew and immediately felt their pull, he flicked his eyes down briefly to the generous lips but knew the danger of staying there too long and returned to his watching eyes. He raised a questioning eyebrow and Youngjae mirrored his action. ‘Hyung?’ he questioned ‘You ok?’ JB nodded not wanting to worry him anymore ‘Just tired, I think we all need to get home. You want me to drop you on the way?’ Youngjae shook his head replying ‘No its ok, it’s the opposite direction to you, Me, Bam and Yugi are going to share a cab, as we’re all pretty much the same way’ JB felt a spike of annoyance, and another emotion he chose to ignore, that he wouldn’t get the drive home with Youngjae. Wouldn’t have him resting his head on his shoulder talking about his day but he nodded his agreement. He stood and collected his stuff up and Youngjae watched him closely. He had hoped he would argue against Bambam’s idea of cab sharing as he had wanted more time with JB, he got so little these days, but his hyung appeared unconcerned. Youngjae watched JB’s shoulders flex as he collected up his backpack and pulled on another hoodie, he suddenly thought of the times he had slept with his head nestled against them, always feeling safe even when crying his eyes out because he couldn’t cope with the intense pressure to catch up with the rest of the members. How he would always turn and open his arms and pull him in for a hug gently rubbing the back of his neck until he fell asleep. Youngjae felt the pain of losing their previous life and just being together whenever he needed him. ‘Jaejae?’ a gentle voice, reserved for only him, broke into his thoughts and he looked up into JB’s stormy eyes. He caught his breath at what he thought he saw there before JB quickly turned away ‘I should go’ he said, the normal blunt way of speaking had returned as he moved past him. Without thinking Youngjae grabbed his hand interlacing his fingers with his, he was surprised to feel the initial resistance and he thought he was going to pull away but after the shortest second, he curled his fingers through his.  
JB steeled himself to make eye contact with Youngjae again, he had already fucked up once this evening by feeling too much and didn’t plan to do it again. He didn’t know what the younger man had been thinking about earlier when he had called his name but he had looked with such sad longing at JB that he had wanted to place his lips against his and kiss him until he moaned his name.  
It had happened once, many years before when Youngjae had been sick with a high temperature. JB had returned to their hotel room to find him soaked in sweat rambling about Coco and men coming to kidnap her. The other members had been beside themselves, all shouting at once about taking him to the hospital and this had agitated Youngjae even more. He remembered bellowing at Mark to get them all out of the room so he could sort Youngjae out. Mark had ushered them all out of the room, it was one of the rare times he had heard him raise his voice as he had physically dragged Jackson out. Youngjae was sitting wide eyed on the bed flicking his head from side to side as if he was looking for someone. As JB approached the bed he stared at him with unfocussed eyes and he had felt his anxiety rising. ‘Jaejae?’ he had called and Youngjae had jumped and turned to him looking with no signs of recognition. JB put his hand out gently and called his pet name for him again. As he reached the edge of the bed he watched Youngjae’s eyes clear with recognition ‘Jaeboem-ah’ he whispered his eyes filling with tears ‘I was so frightened, I woke up and you weren’t here and I thought the men were here for Coco’ JB sat on the edge of the bed and opened his arms to him, like always, Youngjae threw himself into them and rested his head against his shoulder, slipping his arms around his waist holding him tight. JB rocked him as he stroked his head. He had looked up at JB and asked quietly ‘Will you always come back to me?’ JB frowned slightly at the question but nodded his head ‘You know I will always look after you Jaejae, we are brothers’ as the words came out of his mouth JB turned to look more closely at Youngjae’s face. He looked into his eyes and felt himself drowning. A new emotion was pulling at him, an unknown power was drawing him closer, Youngjae was watching him closely and somehow JB knew he was waiting, waiting for him to…. and then suddenly he knew, he’s waiting for me to kiss him and this seemed the most natural thing in the world to him, so he leant forward slowly and touched his lips to his. They were plump and soft and felt wonderful. He waited just holding their lips together to see what Youngjae would do. He made a small impatient noise which made JB’s lips twitch into a barest of smiles before he applied more pressure. He felt Youngjae respond and move his mouth to improve their connection. JB opened his mouth slightly to sweep his tongue out over the other mans delicious lower lip, it was like a pastry treat to be savoured, he returned to the kiss touching his mouth again requesting entry which was immediately granted and JB’s tongue swept inside. At this point he lost all rational thought, he was kissing Youngjae as if he was a drowning man and Youngjae was his air. He pushed him back onto the bed his hand holding the back of his neck to allow him full access and rights to him mouth. He used his other arm to hold himself up, so he didn’t crush him. Youngjae was gasping and moaning under him grabbing at his hair as JB settled himself between his legs. JB felt possessed by the younger man lying under him, his moans driving him crazy, he needed to make him produce more of these sounds, his singing would never again compare to the noises he was making because of JB kisses.  
He became aware of a banging noise and a voice shouting his name. He felt his madness recede as he pulled away from Youngjae’s swollen lips, his huge eyes were looking at him with shock and a question. There was no anger there. JB jumped off the bed unable to sustain the eye contact or even think about the question he was seeing; he went over to the hotel room door where he could hear Jackson shouting his name. He pulled the door open and he almost fell into the room followed by Jinyoung and Mark. ‘What the hell is going on’ Jackson shouted ‘We could hear Youngjae moaning’ JB pushed past him saying ‘I’m going to get the manager to call a doctor as he’s running a temperature’ Jackson went to grab his arm to stop his exit but he pulled it out of his grasp and said ‘Don’t’ as he kept walking, leaving the room and Youngjae’s questioning eyes as fast as he could.  
Youngjae was admitted to the local hospital for 72 hours and when he returned it was never discussed, JB had persuaded himself that he had no memory of what had happened and for himself he had locked it away as his one and only real experience of kissing a man, his only man.  
JB shook his head, pushing away the memories and to bring himself back to the here and now. He steeled himself and looked down into Youngjae’s questioning eyes. He flicked to his lips, as always, and remembered their soft plumpness under his own before quickly returning to his eyes. He didn’t fare much better there as he felt himself drowning into them. His self-preservation prevailed as he controlled his desperate urge to run. ‘Hyung?’ Youngjae questioned ‘are you angry with me?’ JB stopped his attempt to escape and frowned at him in response. ‘No Jaejae, why do you think that?’ Youngjae seemed to be fighting an inner battle before he responded ‘you don’t seem to want to be with me so I thought I may have upset you’ JB stood looking into his eyes feeling a clawing need to be physically close to the other man. To sleep like they used to but to do other things now they were adults. He wanted the moaning gasping Youngjae under him as he made love to him, he laughed at himself as he actually had very little idea of how to do that, he just knew how badly he wanted it.  
‘Hyung?’ Youngjae was talking again ‘So are we ok?’ a deep frown crossed his brow as he asked the question and JB felt a stab of guilt at upsetting his Sunshine. He squeezed his hand gently and then untangled his fingers from him ‘Yes we’re fine, I’m just tired and a bit worried about Jackson and Jinyoung. I think I just need to sleep. Message me when you get home ok?’ Youngjae nodded in agreement but the frown hadn’t completely disappeared, and he made no attempt to smile at JB as he moved away from him towards the door. The two Maknaes called their goodbyes and they took it as a sign to start collecting their bits together as Youngjae settled the bill. There was some arguing about who would pay what and eventually it was agreed that Youngjae would pay but Bambam would bring Coffee to the morning’s rehearsal and Yugi was responsible for lunch. The process took far too long to agree and JB was long gone by the time they left the restaurant.


	2. The Time I Spend In My Day Without You Hurts A Lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Light Smut -

It took JB 30 minutes to get home, 30 minutes of brooding and re-running the night in the hotel room with Youngjae in his head. 30 minutes of trying to shut down and box away his feelings. 30 minutes of remembering how he felt kissing him and having him lying beneath him. 30 minutes of remembering the sounds he made. Basically 30 minutes of self-imposed hell. By the time he opened his front door to his screaming demanding babies his head was pounding and if Bambam was there he would have been tormenting him about his jutting out chin. He circumnavigated the cats as they wrapped around his lower legs and ankles to get through to the kitchen. He opened their food to grateful meows and cooed at them as they arched their backs in appreciation to his gentle caresses. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge, he knew he would regret it tomorrow, but he needed it right now. As he reached the sofa, he felt his phone buzz in his jeans pocket, he pulled it out and threw himself down onto the huge lumpy sofa with a sigh. There were 3 messages waiting for him. He looked at the 3 names and weighed up the order to open them on the level of stress they would cause him. He decided Yugi’s was they safest option and opened it first to be greeted by a picture of a smiling Mark with a huge ‘He’s Home’ as the message. JB couldn’t help but smile back at the picture and felt a part of himself slot back into place knowing he was back. Message number 2 was from Jackson and he clicked it open as if it was a hand grenade ready to go off. His face split into a relieved grin when he saw the multiple emoji’s at the start of the message, the message that followed was basically about the practice tomorrow and would JB pick him up on the way please. No mention of whatever Youngjae had seen. He pinged a message back agreeing to be his personal chauffeur as long as Jackson agreed to keep calling to get him up with enough time to swing past his place. Interestingly that meant Jackson wasn’t at Jinyoung’s and Jinyoung wasn’t at Jacksons, he didn’t know what to read into that. He sat looking at the third name for some time before opening the message:  
‘Hi Hyung, I’m home safe with Coco. I’m sorry if I have done something to upset you, please will you tell me what it is so I can apologise to you. Love Jaejae’ with a huge heart at the end.  
JB sighed and dragged his hand through his hair in frustration. He needed to get these feelings back under control, he would always look after Youngjae, no matter what and didn’t want to make the situation awkward between them. He didn’t know why everything had resurfaced again but the emotions were screaming at his insides and he was desperate for some physical contact with him, he had always been able to recentre himself by cuddling up to him no matter how bad the day had been. He pulled himself up off the sofa and made for the bathroom deciding a shower would help bring him some calm. He stripped off throwing his clothes into the corner, two of the cats immediately curled up on them purring contentedly and he stepped into the warm flow of water. He thought he could hear his phone ringing but focussed on letting the water stream down over his face. He stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around his waist using another to rub his hair. He lent over the sink staring at himself in the mirror until he felt the goosebumps rising on his body, he gave a huge moan of self-disgust, he was pathetic yearning for a man who only needed a big brother. He wandered into his bedroom unable to look at himself any longer and sprawled out on his bed staring at the ceiling blankly. He didn’t remember closing his eyes but awoke freezing cold to a familiar voice calling from the bedroom door ‘hyung, are you awake?’ Only one person had a key to his home, only one person would come through his home to the bedroom and call for him. He sat up slowly, his legs curling down over the edge of the bed. He was standing in the bedroom doorway holding the door frame. JB felt unable to speak to him, he just stared, stared at what he wanted so badly. Youngjae took a deep breath and walked into the room ‘I hope you’re not angry, I tried to ring but you didn’t answer, and you didn’t answer my message and then I worried. I kept worrying so I got a cab to come and check that you were ok’ he had reached JB by the time he stopped to breath. JB was still silent but watched him as he knelt in front of him between his legs placing his hands on his thighs, he could feel his warm hands through the towel. He could see the concern on his face but also a sliver of fear in his eyes. ‘Jaebeom-ah please tell me what I’ve done wrong’ a tear fell down his face and JB felt his heart shatter that he had caused his Sunshine to cry. He reached out and gently removed the tear with his thumb while cupping his face. ‘It’s not you baby’ he replied softly. Youngjae showed no reaction to being called baby but nuzzled his face into JB’s hand making happy little noises into his palm. Youngjae slid his hands up JB’s thighs and wrapped his arms around his waist laying his head against his bare chest, He spoke in a little voice ‘I know something is wrong, you haven’t been this distant from me since I was ill. Jackson said I made you really angry then but all I remember is the dream. Please don’t be angry with me’ JB took some deep breaths to calm himself and wrapped his arms around him pulling him in tight, he stroked his head and answered him ‘I’m really not angry, I’ve never been angry, I wasn’t angry when you were sick, Jackson is wrong, I was scared’ Youngjae snuggled closer as he spoke and warning bells started to go off in JB’s head, the snuggling action caused him to rub almost directly on his barely covered parts and it felt really good. Youngjae raised his hand and put it over his heart his thumb rubbing back and forward over JB’s nipple in a distracted manner, ‘So you really aren’t angry?’ he asked looking up at him without moving his head away from his chest. JB took a big swallow silently praying for help, he could feel his blood rushing to his lower parts as the gentle rubbing on his nipple was driving him insane. He bit his lower lip to stop any noise escaping him. He looked down at Youngjae and was shocked at the raw lust he saw in his eyes. It hit him like a sledgehammer that he wasn’t touching him like this by accident, he was looking for a response. ‘Jaejae?’ he questioned ‘Hmm?’ he responded moving across his chest to take his nipple between his lips and gently suck it. JB threw his head back and allowed the moan to escape his mouth this time, he felt Youngjae chuckle against his nipple, he removed his mouth, dragged his tongue over the tight bud and replaced it with his thumb again ‘Hyung would you do something for me please?’ he asked as he dragged his body up the front of JB’s chest until he was face to face with him, JB felt his dick harden in response to the friction and he knew damn well Youngjae must be able to feel it pressed against his body. They had lived together for years, had seen each other’s bodies, knew these things happened especially in the morning but they had never been pressed together with a very apparent erection between them. JB looked into Youngjae’s eyes and nodded his consent to the request, ‘Kiss me. I’ve had this dream for years about you kissing me, please just kiss me’ JB nodded wordlessly again and raised his hand to cup the back of Youngjae’s neck and pulled him slowly towards him. Youngjae moved forward on his knees pushing himself flush against his erection and JB moaned again as he joined their lips. JB meant it to be soft and gentle but it was frenzied, as his lips touched Youngjae’s he lost control and Youngjae opened his mouth immediately offering him full entry. He was rubbing himself against JB’s erection making him gasp into his mouth, Youngjae had handfuls of JB’s hair, he knew there was another really good reason to grow it longer and he had just found it as his hands were entwined in it, Youngjae suddenly dragged his mouth away from his. ‘It was real. Hyung it was real’ he gasped and then dove back onto his lips immediately opening his mouth again for JB’s tongue to plunder inside his mouth. JB fell back onto the bed and Youngjae stayed within the circle of his arms quickly scrambling up so he was straddling JB’s groin. He placed both hands on his chest and continued to pay attention to his hard nipples gently pinching them as JB moaned and squirmed on the bed. He made eye contact with JB and slowly reached down between them and pulled the towel away from the front of his body allowing him to spring free of its confines. Time stood still as JB waited to see what he would do next, Youngjae lowered himself and ground his body against his dick, he made circular movements ensuring full body contact. JB was moaning loudly and Youngjae was loving it, he never broke eye contact, watching the reaction of his beloved hyung to his actions.  
JB tried to pull himself together enough to speak a sentence, he was naked on the bed with a fully dressed Youngjae grinding on his rock-hard dick and if he didn’t stop soon, he was going to embarrass himself.   
‘Jaejae’ he gasped grabbing him by the waist to still his movements ‘what are we doing here?’ Youngjae leant forward over him and kissed his lips, ‘We are making out silly’ he answered and giggled delightfully. ‘OK’ said JB slowly ‘And you are alright with that?’ Youngjae pushed his hips down against him earning himself a dirty groan from JB, he giggled again at the groan. ‘Yes, I’m alright as long as you don’t expect me to top you, I’m hoping I will be your bottom’ he laughed loudly at JB’s shocked expression. JB couldn’t help but laugh back at him, he spun over taking Youngjae with him and they ended up with JB nestled between Youngjae’s legs. Youngjae’s wonderful laugh bounced around the walls of the bedroom and he reached up to kiss his hyung. The fire ignited again, and they pushed their bodies against each other causing delicious friction. JB dragged his mouth away from Youngjae’s addictive lips and panted ‘you really need to take some clothes off Jaejae’ He hummed his agreement but swooped back to his lips to kiss some more. When he next came up for air he looked at JB with mock surprise and asked ‘why haven’t you undressed me hyung?’ and he was giggling again as he was pulled up into a sitting position and JB yanked his t-shirt and jumper up over his head in one and launched them into the corner of the room. JB looked at his trousers and growled ‘off’ at Youngjae. Youngjae laid back on the bed placing his hands behind his head, he looked at JB and raised one eyebrow, ‘you want them off, you take them off’ JB could see the challenge in his eyes and accepted it readily. He lent down and kissed Youngjae just below his adams apple, slowly working his way down his chest, he marvelled at the change in his body shape since they had been roommates. His chest would never be the size as JB’s or some of the others in the band, but he was firm and muscular, a beautiful shape and he still fitted perfectly against his body. He reached the waistband of his jeans and Youngjae was starting to make those noises, his heart jumped as Youngjae whispered ‘hyung, don’t do this if you don’t want to’. JB took hold of the button unhooking it and slid down the zipper, ‘I’ve waited a long time for this Jaejae but if you’re not happy just tell me and I will stop’ Youngjae didn’t speak but lifted his buttocks up off the bed so that JB could pull down his trousers and pants. His erection sprung free and JB felt all the air leave his body. It was beautiful, he reached out and curled his hand around it holding it closely. Youngjae moaned and he felt proud he had caused that response. He wondered briefly why this didn’t feel weird but pushed the thought away as he moved his head down to take it into his mouth driven by the need to make Youngjae moan again, he felt his Sunshine’s hands tangle into his hair pulling slightly and a filthy moan escaped Youngjae’s lips when he swirled around the head with his tongue. JB felt his dick twitch in response to the moan and he felt encouraged to take more into his mouth. He wasn’t sure what he was doing but with the incredible noises coming out of Youngjae he must be doing something right! A loud banging broke into his concentration, he chose to ignore it, but he felt Youngjae tense and sit up slightly. ‘Hyung?’ he queried ‘Someone is thumping on your front door’ He removed his mouth from Youngjae’s dick with a great deal of regret, dragging his tongue up along the underside, getting another guttural moan from Youngjae, and replaced his tongue with his hand, he was slick now and his hand slid freely, Youngjae flopped back onto the bed moaning and JB smiled more certain now he was doing this right. The banging on the door was louder and he could hear someone shouting. JB was getting pissed now, he had Youngjae where he had wanted him for years and some bastard was going to die if he didn’t stop banging on his door. He focused back on Youngjae who was writhing around on the bed as JB had increased the pressure of his hand in response to his aggravation ‘Oh my god Jaeboem-ah’ he moaned and JB leant forward to nibble and lick his inner thigh which was trembling in response to JB’s attention.   
The banging started again and this time he recognised the voice shouting as belonging to Jackson. JB let go out Youngjae and was rewarded with a desolate whimper, he leaned over the bed and kissed him fast and hard on the mouth, ‘I’m sorry baby, get in the bed and stay warm I’m just going to go and fucking kill Jackson and then I will be back for you’ he looked at Youngjae terrified to leave him in case he disappeared, that all they were doing would disappear. Youngjae smiled gently and covered himself with his hands, ‘Go. Please don’t kill him, I will wait for you. I’m not going anywhere, this is where I want to be, and anyway you owe me an explanation’ JB grabbed clothes from the drawer as he half watched Youngjae crawling into his bed. He felt an inner peace even with the banging at his door, it would be alright as Youngjae was in his bed.


	3. Why Am I Hurting More? I Don't Get It At All

JB yanked the door open and Jackson fell back into the flat. He had been rhythmically banging the back of his head on the wooden door. He lay flat on his back not looking up at a furious leader. ‘What the fucking hell Jackson’ he started shouting but stopped when he just lay there unmoving with his eyes shut ‘Jackson?’ JB said, a lot calmer, spooked by his stillness, Jackson didn’t do quiet stillness unless something was very wrong. He crouched down beside him and grabbed his shoulder ‘Jack? Sseunie? you ok?’ Jackson slowly opened his pain filled eyes and gradually focussed on JB ‘Hi Hyung, I’m sorry to keep banging but I knew you were here and I’ve seriously screwed up and I need your help’ He slowly sat up and turned to face JB. ‘You better get up and come in, grab a seat on the sofa and I will be 2 secs’ he pulled him up and pushed him towards the lounge, when he moved in that direction JB went quickly into the bedroom shutting the door behind him. Someone had turned the main light off and his small bedside reading light was on. Youngjae was sitting up against the headboard looking at him with huge questioning eyes. He came to the side of the bed nearest him and perched on the edge grabbing Youngjae’s hands in his. He took a deep breath and spoke quietly ‘Jackson is here, he’s not ok so I need to find out what’s going on, it may take a while, do you want to sleep here? I’m not sure how I could get you out without him seeing you’ he saw Youngjae frown ‘not that I want to hide you Jaejae, I don’t give a fuck who knows you’re here with me, I just don’t want you upset’ Youngjae smiled and released his hand from JB’s, he raised it to cup his cheek ‘I want to stay with you, I will sleep now but you promise to wake me up when you come back?’ JB looked into his beautiful shining eyes and nodded replying ‘but we have rehearsal early tomorrow, you going to be ok with so little sleep?’ A frown appeared on his forehead that JB raised his thumb to smooth it away ‘How about I come sleep with you and we start this over tomorrow night after rehearsals, we can go get Coco and come here to have dinner together and see where it goes?’ Youngjae nodded and gave him a small smile. ‘You sure Hyung or have you changed your mind?’ JB gave a low moan ‘You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you, waited for this, I’m definitely not backing out of anything Jaejae’ he finished his sentence by leaning forward and kissing him with as much reassurance as he could, it was dreamlike and Youngjae made small mewling sounds in response to his touch. He reluctantly pulled away, sighed deeply and moved away to stand up. ‘I will be back, you up for some serious cuddling later?’ Youngjae giggled and quickly covered his mouth to smother the noise, when he had finished he lowered his hand and whispered back ‘of course, come back soon’ and snuggled down into the bed as JB turned and left the room quietly shutting the door behind him.  
Youngjae slid down into the bed that smelled of JB, he smiled gently trying to batter back all his demons that came rushing in now JB had left the room. He had never expected to be welcomed like this; he had prepared himself to be rejected. He had spent years being tormented by the dream of the hotel room kiss. So many times he had told himself it wasn’t real and then he would catch JB staring at him, or he would touch him for a second too long and sometimes he would look at him as if he was the centre of the universe and then just as quickly the look would be gone, he would remove his hand as if it had been burned or he would ignore him for days. At first, he thought it was because of Jinyoung, that JB liked him, but when Jinyoung’s thing with Jackson had started he realised he was wrong. JB had been nothing but supportive about their relationship, although they all knew it also drove him nuts at times especially when they declared on public TV they had been practising kissing. Youngjae allowed himself a little chuckle remembering how mad JB had been after the programme, him and Jinyoung shouting at each other in the dressing room while poor Jackson was yet again standing between them bringing about the peace.   
When he had seen that look tonight at dinner from JB he couldn’t stop thinking about it and what it meant. When he didn’t answer his phone, he had decided to come and find out. Was it what he hoped or was JB mad at him? When he had seen him lying on the bed he just needed to know and there was no turning back. He didn’t believe he would ever completely reject him, things may a bit weird for a while, but they would work it out if Youngjae had been terribly wrong. But when he had seen his reaction to him rubbing against him, he knew he was right and then he felt incredibly brave and touched him how he wanted. He had never taken the lead in any contact with another person romantically, he wouldn’t consider himself attracted to men, he was just attracted to JB, it had only ever been JB. When he had managed to have a quick kissing session backstage at different shows with female idols his mind would always compare them to the dream, and they were always lacking. But tonight, when he kissed him, he knew it wasn’t their first time, he knew it had happened before and his body had welcomed him like a long-lost love. He wanted so much more with him and he seemed to want that too but now he would have to wait and see if he ran away from him again. 

JB returned to the lounge and found Jackson sitting on the sofa with his face in his hands. JB sat at the opposite end, he quickly checked the time on his phone and groaned inwardly when it said 01.10am. Their rehearsal was at the old building at 8am and it was going to be a rough day after almost no sleep.  
He waited for Jackson to look up and focus on him. He took a deep sigh and started talking ‘so I’ve really screwed up. I though it was a good idea when leader-nim suggested it but Jinyoung has gone nuts about it and then tonight he refused to even accept my calls’ he put his head back in his hands. JB frowned and answered him carefully not wanting to make the situation worse ‘What suggestion Jack? I don’t know what it is that has upset Jinyoung so much’ Jackson looked up surprised ‘You don’t? I was sure it had been discussed with you and they said you thought it was a good idea, that’s the only reason I said I would seriously think about it’ JB was getting lost in the conversation ‘what is it exactly you think I’ve agreed to?’ he asked. Jackson took a deep breath and answered. ‘He suggested I go to China for 6 months each year allowing the rest of you to undertake your own projects during that time and then commit to a solid 6 months back here in Korea with the members’. JB felt a spike of anger at what Jackson was saying, yes he knew about this stupid suggestion, he had argued with JYP about it a few days ago and had flatly refused to even discuss it with Jackson, he felt it was unhealthy for them all, they wouldn’t survive without him for a whole six months and that wasn’t even factoring in how much the Maknaes needed him and Jacksons relationship with his best friend. He was also sure that Jackson wouldn’t survive 6 months in China without them. ‘So, I guess you told Jinyoung’ JB asked making sure none of his anger showed. Jackson gave a bitter laugh ‘You’re not kidding, he was furious, basically told me if I agreed to this stupid plan there would be no us, I made him cry Jaebeom, I feel like a complete arsehole, I promised at the beginning I would never hurt him and I made him cry’ he put his face in his hands and JB reached forward to squeeze his shoulder. ‘You know he loves you don’t you Jack?’ he asked and Jackson nodded, JB continued ‘I knew about this plan but I refused to discuss it with you because it’s a crap plan, neither you or us could survive the time apart, we all nearly went crazy when we had to do the 10 weeks last time and we were all flying back and forward to each other all the time’ Jackson looked up at him ‘You didn’t agree to this?’ JB shook his head ‘Absolutely not’. ‘would you ever?’ He asked, ‘Not ever’ JB answered holding his eye contact. Jackson suddenly stood up ‘I need to go to Jinyoung, I need to explain’ JB nodded at him ‘Yes you do, you do know you’re going to be paying for this for months?’ Jackson shrugged, ‘I don’t care as long as he is happy, I made him cry so whatever he needs to feel better is fine with me’ JB raised his eyebrow and smirked at him ‘boy you are so whipped’ he said walking to the door with him. Jackson stopped at the door and placed his hand on his shoulder ‘Thanks my friend, isn’t about time you admitted you’re just as whipped for a certain power vocalist?’ JB kept his face blank as Jackson laughed at him. ‘I’m going to be positive and say don’t collect me in the morning as I’m hoping I will be at Jinyoung’s’ JB allowed himself a smile at this and then said good night as he closed the door behind Jackson.  
It seemed like hours later JB crept back into his bedroom although his phone said 02.15am, the small bedside lamp was now off and he could see a body lying on its side facing outward in the bed, he used the bathroom and quietly moved around to the other side of the bed, stripped down to his underwear and slipped into the bed. He could feel the heat from Youngjae’s body as he moved closer to him under the bedding. He slid his arm under his neck making his arm Youngjae’s pillow and he moaned slightly at being moved but shuffled his body back towards JB. He stopped when his back made contact with JB’s chest and sighed. JB wrapped his arm around his midriff and pulled him closer. As he gently stroked his abdomen, he realised he was naked ‘Bummie?’ a sleepy voice asked, ‘Is everything ok?’ JB snuggled into the curve of his neck and answered ‘Yes baby, everything’s ok, Jackson has gone to Jinyoung’s and I’m here with you now’ he rubbed himself against his bare buttocks and Youngjae chuckled while pushing himself back against JB’s groin, his underwear the only barrier between them. JB groaned as his dick twitched in appreciation of Youngjae’s wriggling. He leant forward and kissed the back of his neck, licking in small circles and Youngjae continued his circular movements against JB’s groin. He suddenly pushed back so that JB’s engorged dick ended up nestling between his cheeks and JB’s abdomen, JB bit down on Youngjae’s shoulder in response to the wave of pleasure he felt making Youngjae moan at the pain and pleasure combined in the bite. ‘Jaejae’ JB whispered in his ear ‘move…. slowly.’ ‘Hmmm’ Youngjae hummed his agreement and began sliding up and down the front of JB’s underwear with his dick trapped between the outer edge of his cheeks. JB had a tight hold of Youngjae as he thrust against him maximising the friction of their grinding. ‘Bummie?’ Youngjae whispered ‘Do you want to do more?’ JB froze at his words but then pulled him into a tight hug. Youngjae asked in a small confused voice ‘You don’t want to?’ He pulled out of the hug and turned to face JB, his erection rubbed against the front of JB’s as he moved round and JB moaned a strangled ‘oh god’ at the contact, closing his eyes for a second. Youngjae raised himself up onto one elbow and looked at him closely, there was enough light coming through the windows for him to see his face, he raised his hand to cup his cheek and JB reopened his eyes. He spoke quietly to him, ‘Hyung what’s going on, we don’t have to do anything if you aren’t comfortable, but I really liked what you were doing’ he looked down and giggled ‘as you can see’. JB rested his face into the hand cupping his cheek, he looked into his beautiful eyes and said what he was thinking and feeling ‘ Jaejae I’ve waited so long to be here with you, to feel what I feel without holding it in check all the time, I know what I want, what I want to share with you but I don’t want to rush it, to put it crudely I don’t want to just fuck you and go to sleep and I’m very aware its gone 2am and we have to be at rehearsal at 8am’ he groaned at the end of his speech and looked down between their bodies ‘but my bloody body isn’t co-operating at all!’ Youngjae laughed out loud and lent forward to kiss him. ‘you’re right we both need to sleep; promise me you will be kind to me at the practice when I keep falling asleep?’ He moved away from JB and started to move out of the bed asking ‘Do you think you could call me a cab’ JB lent over and grabbed his arm ‘Where are you going?’ he asked, more sharply than he meant to. ‘Home Hyung’ he answered as he sat on the edge of the bed looking around for his clothing. JB felt panicked, if he let him go now would he ever come back? ‘Jaejae please don’t go, please stay with me tonight, we can go into practice together’ he pulled on his arm gently and he turned to face him. Youngjae looked unsure and JB felt like an arsehole for asking him ‘You don’t have to if you really don’t want to’ he said and was surprised when Youngjae laughed out loud turning back into the bed ‘Of course I want to stay hyung and I promise to behave so we can both sleep’ this amused him even more and he laughed even louder. This time JB joined him. He crawled under the covers and open his arms to Youngjae. He made a giggly noise as he snuggled down next to him resting his head on his shoulder ‘Bummie I’m sorry but I still don’t have any underwear on’ he giggled. JB sighed and stroked his head with one hand while hugging him closer with the other. ‘I’m sure I can control myself’ he replied feeling an inner peace he hadn’t experienced in a very long time but as Youngjae snuggled into him wrapping his leg over his body he felt his body react in interest and he gave a wry smile at the thought of trying to keep up with him in the next few days.   
He awoke a few hours later and found himself tangled in Youngjae’s naked body, he was sprawled across JB’s chest, legs between his, with one hand entwined in his hair. JB gently stroked his hair and Youngjae made a small humming noise in response to his touch. He wondered what would have happened if Jackson hadn’t interrupted them earlier and smiled remembering the incredibly sexy noises Youngjae had made when he was sucking his dick. ‘Bummie, what you thinking about?’ said a sleepy voice from his chest. ‘Nothing, why?’ he answered ‘Because I’m being poked by something’ he giggled. JB groaned, ‘Shhh, go back to sleep, it will go away soon’ he answered hugging him closer. ‘OK’ he mumbled and snuggled back into him.


	4. Telling Me To Stay By Your Side

The alarm was screaming and JB thrust his arm out onto the table by the side of the bed to turn it off. He was lying face down and there was a big empty space next to him. Youngjae! His brain screamed as he scrambled up onto his knees. He had gone. He was sure it had been real as the bed and his body smelled of his vanilla musk. He climbed out of bed and checked the bathroom, it was unchanged since he had used it the night before, his clothes still thrown into the corner. He grabbed his clothes from where he had thrown them earlier this morning and put them on quickly, as he went into the lounge, he checked the time on his phone, and it read 7am. There was a message from Jackson which he opened, it started with a row of heart emoji’s – always a good sign – and basically it said he was staying at Jinyoung’s so definitely didn’t need a lift into rehearsal and thanking him for his time and advice. JB smiled, looks like that situation had been resolved if Jinyoung had forgiven him enough to let him stay overnight. He reached the kitchen and stared at the little tray with everything he needed for morning coffee and juice set out ready for him. As he looked closer, he saw the little note from Youngjae. ‘Hyung, I must go and get Coco sorted before practice. See you later. Jaejae’ It finished with 2 little hearts. JB smiled but felt a flicker of anxiety that he had left without them talking.   
JB pushed the door to the rehearsal room open at 7.55am and felt his heartbeat increasing, would he already be here? We walked into the room to be greeted by Bambam screaming and pretending to faint at the sight of him. ‘Shut up brat’ he said to him but laughed, he looked around the room trying to locate the most important person, he was shocked when he saw him curled up in Marks lap, he was stroking his hair and making cooing noises. JB felt a flash of anger and controlled the urge to go over and drag Youngjae out of his lap, Bambam slapped a coffee into his hand as he walked past, and he vaguely nodded his thanks. The choreographer came into the studio and asked everyone to warm up and he would be back in 15 minutes to start. Jackson and Jinyoung wandered in behind the choreographer and JB could see immediately that they were fine, he smiled towards them and they grinned back at him, Jackson nodded his thanks at JB and he returned the nod. He turned to the others, resisting the urge to snarl at the cuddling couple and called for everyone to warm up. The two maknae’s sprung up from the sofa’s to join JB and Jackson and Jinyoung followed behind. Mark and Youngjae made no move to join the rest as Mark was talking quietly by the side of Youngjae’s head. ‘Yah!’ JB shouted at him, ‘You planning on joining us?’ Mark looked up and shook his head, ‘Give us a bit more time will you. Youngjae isn’t feeling too good’ JB walked over to them controlling himself, he felt the controlled mask slip over his face, making sure his emotions couldn’t be seen. When he got to their side Mark looked up and frowned at him and said ‘Don’t start JB, he’s tired and he has a headache. I gave him some pills but he just needs a bit of time’ JB felt his anger spike, angry that Mark was telling him off publicly and angry that he was looking after Youngjae to the extent that he had him sitting in his lap ‘Maybe he could manage to recover out of your lap?’ JB snapped. Marks eyebrow shot up at his snarky response ‘Well maybe he could but at this moment I don’t intend to find out’ Mark shot back at him. JB groaned inwardly, every time he returned from his solo trips to China they had some kind of showdown, it happened, they would get it out of the way and then life would settle down again. He hadn’t anticipated it being the first time they met and for it to be about Youngjae! JB gritted his teeth and he was sure his chin was sticking out by now, if Bambam started he swore to god he would kill him! ‘Just put him down Mark and join the warm-up’ JB said and started to walk into the middle of the room. ‘The hell I will, what is wrong with you today, man you’re being an arse!’ Mark called after him. JB spun round and marched back towards him shouting ‘what did you say?’ as he got to Marks side Youngjae’s arm shot out and grabbed him, ‘Jaeboem-ah, stop please’ his weak voice said. It stopped him in his tracks. He crouched down by his side and put his hand against Youngjae’s forehead which was cold and clammy. He scowled at Mark ‘Why didn’t you say he was ill?’ ‘Would I be arguing with you if he wasn’t ill, what the hell is your beef?’ Mark snapped back at him. ‘He should go home and rest, we could rehearse the bits without him today. Do you want me to take him home?’ The two men glared at each other, neither one willing to back down. The stand off continued until Youngjae moved around in Marks lap to face JB and smiled weakly ‘I’m feeling a bit better, if you can give me 15 minutes I will drink some more water and then I will join you’ Mark started to argue with him but he put his hand on his wrist and smiled at him ‘I will be ok Mark, I promise’ Mark nodded at him and untangled his legs to move away from Youngjae while glaring at JB the whole time. He moved away making a disgusted sound and walked into a bouncing Yugyeom demanding his attention. His face changed immediately into a big grin as he was dragged onto the floor to do stretching exercises with him.   
JB stood by Youngjae feeling useless and unable to do what he wanted. Youngjae stepped straight into his thoughts by saying ‘You could always hug me, might even make me feel better’ JB felt his body relax and his face soften as he opened his arms for the hug. Youngjae stood, JB noticed he wasn’t too steady, and walked into his arms. JB immediately noticed the perfect fit as he rested his face into the crook of his neck and gave a little sigh. ‘Jaejae, how sick are you?’ JB whispered quietly, ‘Do you need to go home?’ Youngjae spoke quietly as he said ‘I was hoping we were going to your home later’ JB smiled softly and released him from his arms aware that the others were probably watching and waiting. ‘Sit and watch for a while, see how you feel when we break for a drink, okay?’ Youngjae smiled and nodded and JB turned to a line of raised eyebrows and a definite smirk from Jackson. He took a deep breath and faced them showing nothing of what he was feeling ‘Lets warm up, Youngjae will join us after first break’ They all nodded, he looked at Mark who now had Yugi sprawled over his lap and raised an eyebrow at him. Mark shrugged his shoulders as if to say it was his call and turned away to give Yugi his full attention. JB glanced back at Youngjae, he couldn’t shrug the feeling he was missing something, something he already knew but wasn’t making the right connection.

They were into their third run through when Youngjae began to join them, he still looked pretty grim, but he slowly picked up speed and fitted into the sections they were working on. JB worked hard to keep his focus on the group and not watch Youngjae. The rehearsal was fraught and exhausting. Mark was behind because of his Solo project time away and was picky and argumentative to any criticism especially from JB, thank god Yugi was there to placate him. Add to that the intensive Wang-gae/Park-gae interaction going on driving the maknae’s mad with cries of ‘eewww’ and ‘gross’ JB just wanted to grab Youngjae and make for his flat. He kept being captivated by something Youngjae would do, the way he chewed on his lower lip when watching a new piece of choreography, his frown when he couldn’t do a section of the routine properly. The only thing that didn't captivate him was the lack of any eye contact, in fact he was sure Youngjae was avoiding him. He couldn’t decide if it was because he was covering up that he still felt unwell or he had changed his mind about going to his home tonight. And he couldn’t shrug the incessant feeling he was missing something bloody obvious.   
They were getting near to lunch time when the choreographer said his goodbyes, agreeing that his parts were finished, and the rest was left to Yugi and Jinyoung to fill. Yugi ducked out after him to go grab some lunch and Bambam offered to go with him to help carry it back. JB watched Mark go straight to Youngjae with some more water and was rummaging around in his bag before offering what JB assumed were more tablets. JB felt like thousands of ants were crawling under his skin, he was agitated and irritable and couldn't cope with the lack of contact with Youngjae, his brain kept repeating last night and the gut churning feeling he had screwed it up in some way and what the hell was he missing that he just knew was important? He had just got to the point that he was going to go and interrupt Marks little chat with Youngjae when the two babies arrived back with bags of food and drinks for everyone. The general noise level shot up as general bickering commenced about who should have what to eat and drink. JB watched Youngjae withdraw away from the noise and he moved around the others to be closer to him. 'Jaejae, you okay?' he asked as his hand naturally slipped around the back of his neck. Youngjae turned tear filled eyes to him 'Hyung, can you get me out of here without causing a fuss as I think I'm going to be sick' JB's eyes flared in response and he suddenly knew what he had missed right in front of him, the aura, a migraine was coming hard and fast. He nodded at him and slung his arm across his shoulder effectively blocking anyone's view of Youngjae's face and walked him to the practice room door, when they were passing through he called back to the others 'we'll be back in a minute' and exited the room.   
It became a bit of a rush down the corridor as Youngjae put his hand over his mouth and started to make gagging noises, they crashed into the bathroom making for the biggest cubicle. Youngjae was heaving immediately and JB managed to get beside him as he aimed the explosion into the toilet bowl. JB held his head gently brushing his fringe away from his forehead as he heaved until there was nothing left to bring up. He collapsed over sideways and ended up half sitting on JB's thighs, JB wrapped his arms around him and held him tight against his chest as Youngjae cried silent tears. 'Is it a migraine?' he whispered quietly knowing sound made it worse for him. Youngjae gave a feeble nod 'You should have said' he continued stroking his head gently. Youngjae gave a ragged sigh and said in a small broken voice 'You and Mark were so antagonistic I didn't want to do anything to make it worse. He’s always like this when he first comes home but he's okay now as he's back with Yugyeum' JB stored that comment away to discuss at a later date as he shifted slightly so that Youngjae was resting completely along the length of his body with his head on his shoulder with JB cupping his face. He knew from their days together at the dorm he needed to get Youngjae home quickly as the next step after vomiting was for him to sleep deeply or the head pain would intensify. 'Jaejae do you think you could get up now so we can get you out of here?' he made a noise in response which he took to be an affirmative so he pushed him up out of his arms into a kneeling position and helped him stand. When he had supported him upright Youngjae rested against his body his face buried into JB’s hoodie. ‘I don’t think I can move yet hyung’ his small voice was muffled by the material, JB continued to stroke his head and spoke softly to him ‘we can go when you are ready, I will ring Jinyoung-ie and get him to finish up the practice and I will take you home’ he heard a muffled yes from his chest and then ‘but I want to go to your home’.

By the time they got to JB’s front door Youngjae was leaning heavily on him and was warning him that he may need to vomit again. JB managed to get him to the bathroom in time and then helped him rinse and clean his mouth, Youngjae was making little moaning noises each time he had to move and he got him to the bed as quickly as possible, flipping back the top covers he then stripped off his top and jumper and after gently laying him down to removed his sweatpants, leaving his underwear on. It was at least a year since he had dealt with one of his migraines, he had thought they had stopped as he hadn’t mentioned them, but he guiltily realised he must have been dealing with them on his own. He pulled the covers over him and checked that the air con was on low, so he didn’t get cold, but the room wasn’t stuffy. He was just going to leave the room when Youngjae moaned and called his name ‘Beommie?’ JB walked back towards the bed and crouched down ‘Please stay’ Youngjae asked ‘You sure baby?’ he asked using his finger to pull his fringe back from his forehead, ‘hmmm’ he answered. JB wasn’t sure how much longer Youngjae would be aware of what was going on around him, but he moved round to the other side of the bed and quickly removed his clothes. The bed dipped as he crawled into the bed coming up behind Youngjae and curving around his back putting his arm across his waist. Youngjae hummed in pleasure.  
JB woke a couple of hours later, he was laying on his back with a certain power vocalist sprawled over his chest. He felt the dull ache at the base of his spine from lying flat, probably not helped by the added presence of Youngjae. As much as he loved lying like this he needed to move. ‘Jaejae. We need to move, my back hurts’ he gently shook his shoulder and got a moan in response. Youngjae slowly raised his head and gave him a cute sleepy smile ‘Hi hyung’. JB returned the smile ‘How you feeling?’ he asked and bathed in the radiant smile he received at his question. ‘I feel much better, a bit delicate but no thumping pain now’ JB made a surprise noise as he suddenly rolled away taking JB with him so he ended up laying over his chest with his legs nestling between Youngjae’s, ‘better?’ he asked as JB raised a questioning eyebrow at him and Youngjae giggled. ‘As I said Hyung I feel much better and I really want to continue what we had to cut short last night’ he slowly moved his head upwards until his plush lips made contact with JB’s who made a growling noise as his lips made contact, he pulled his head back slightly and looked at Youngjae ‘you sure Jaejae?’ He giggled again and answered ‘you keep asking, my answer hasn’t changed, I really want this’ as he spoke he ground his pelvis upwards making contact with JB’s naked body. He dragged in a breath moaning ‘oh god’ and matched the grinding motion back against him. Youngjae giggled again but it was huskier this time and he stroked the side of JB’s face cooing ‘good hyung’. JB rested his forehead against Youngjae’s and moaned as their bodies made contact again ‘You’re going to be hard work to keep up with, aren’t you?’ he groaned before taking Youngjae’s bottom lip between his teeth and pulling at it gently. Youngjae's breath caught in his throat and he wrapped his arms around JB so he could curve his hands over his bare buttocks. JB felt himself pulled in tighter to Youngjae's body as he took control of the level of friction, his underwear the only thing separating them. JB nuzzled into the crook of Youngjae’s neck scattering kisses around the area ‘Jaebommie?’ Youngjae questioned breathlessly ‘hmmm?’ came the response as JB concentrated on nibbling his way across his collarbone ‘You do understand what I want, are you ok with that?’ JB raised his head, his eyes were soft and sensual ‘What is it you want baby?’ he asked as he started trailing his kisses down his chest. Youngjae arched his chest off the bed when JB took one of his nipples into his mouth and gently rolled it around his tongue, it responded immediately and Youngjae made a small moan carding his hands up into JB’s hair, ‘I love your hair long’ he whispered ‘Makes it so easy for me to get hold of it’ JB chuckled and Youngjae felt the vibration through his nipple making him moan again. JB moved across his chest and asked again ‘so what do you want baby?’ before he latched onto the other nipple sucking gently. Youngjae whispered ‘I want you to look after me’ JB hummed in response and released the bud to run his tongue down the centre of his chest, circling his belly button and followed the faint trail of hair below it. JB hated it when he shaved it all away before a comeback as it always looked so cute to him, he had always loved seeing it as Youngjae walked around with a towel slung low on his hips after leaving the shower. The number of times he worried about being caught staring at Youngjae by the other members!  
He had reached the band of his underwear and looked back up Youngjae’s body, he put his hand on his abdomen and Youngjae placed his hand over his. They smiled gently at each other and Youngjae whispered ‘Please’ as he pushed JB’s hand over his hard dick. JB took a firm grip of him through his underwear and moved his hand up and down creating friction. Youngjae moaned aloud and lifted his buttocks from the bed, JB got the hint and grabbed the waistband of his pants and pulled them down releasing him.   
He suddenly jumped at a loud banging on his front door. JB exploded up from the floor shouting ‘If that’s Jackson I will fucking kill him!’. He heard Youngjae groan 'not again!' as he barged out of the room towards his front door, he skidded to a halt when Youngjae shouted 'hyung you have no clothes on!'


	5. Why do I miss you all day like this again?

JB came skidding back into the bedroom, he stopped to look at Youngjae who was sitting crossed legged in the middle of his bed, he looked lost and sad and JB’s heart clenched at the sight. ‘Youngjae….I…..I’m sorry’ There was another round of banging on the door and JB ground his teeth in anger and frustration ‘please wait, let me deal with whoever is at the door’ he knew he was pleading but he recognised that hurt look from Youngjae and knew this was going sour very quickly. He grabbed his clothes from the floor and pulled on his jeans and t-shirt. ‘Please wait’ he asked again while leaving the room, anxiety flooding his body especially as Youngjae still hadn’t said a word.   
He stormed over to the door, someone was banging again, and yanked it open, a stricken looking Bambam was standing in the hallway. ‘Thank god’ he cried grabbing at JB’s hand ‘Hyung you need to come. There’s been an accident, we didn’t mean to do it, it was just for fun but Yugi fell and now he can’t stand on that foot! Hyung, come on we need to go, why aren’t you answering your phone, I kept ringing you?’ JB gave himself a mental shake to pay attention to what Bambam was saying ‘Where is he now? He asked grabbing his shoes and jacket, he realised his keys were in the bedroom, he had no idea where his phone was. ‘I managed to get hold of Mark, he dropped me here to get you and he’s gone on to the accident department with Yugi’ Bambam was moving about in the doorway of the flat ‘Please hurry Hyung we need to get to the hospital’ JB walked up to him and curled his hand around the back of his neck gently, ‘Bam, calm down, its okay, Mark will look after him until we get there’ Bambam nodded but his face remained pale and worried and he looked like a little boy again. He suddenly stared over JB’s shoulder and looked confused, he turned to JB and stuttered ‘I’m sorry Hyung I didn’t realise……’ JB knew who must be standing behind him and he slowly turned to see Youngjae fully dressed holding out JB’s keys and phone towards him. They stood staring at each other, JB wanted to scream and push Youngjae back into his bedroom, and preferably lock the door so he couldn’t escape but he just looked into his sad eyes. ‘Youngjae’ he said softly taking his things from him. He responded with the smallest of smiles ‘Thank you hyung for looking after me, I would never have been able to get home. But I’m okay now so I will leave with you and get back to Coco’ he started to walk past him towards Bambam whose face had cleared as Youngjae had finished speaking. ‘The migraine cleared up then?’ Bambam asked as Youngjae walked towards him nodding. JB reached out to grab his wrist but Youngjae managed to evade him by grabbing hold of Bambam’s arm ‘What’s happened to Yugi? I missed what you said, tell me on the way downstairs’ and he was out of JB’s grasp and flat with Bambam being none the wiser.   
JB closed the door and followed them down the hallway realising the situation was unsavable and Youngjae was leaving, he raged inside at the lack of fairness. He had held these feelings in check for years and now they were free he couldn’t ignore them. They reached the main door and Youngjae quickly hugged Bambam ‘Make sure you message me with an update please, don’t worry you have the hyungs now’ he said before turning to JB ‘Thank you again for looking after me Hyung’ he lifted his head to make eye contact with JB as he finished speaking and his hyung saw the pain in his eyes. He clenched his hands until he could feel the knuckle joints screaming in anger at the pressure he was exerting. He had so many things he wanted to say but with Bambam standing with them it was impossible so he stepped forward so he could sweep his hand around the back of his neck and gently pull him closer to him. He heard Youngjae’s sharp intake of breath at the intimate way his fingers stroked the skin. He leaned forward until only Youngjae could hear him, their foreheads almost touching ‘this is not the end Jaejae’ he whispered ‘don’t think for a minute this is finished’ he watched Youngjae’s eyes flare in response and he then stepped away removing his hand. He turned to Bambam, ‘come on, let’s go and get my car and then go find your idiot partner’ he stalked away with Bambam rushing behind him to keep up. Youngjae stood there for a few minutes with a small painful smile on his face watching until they were out of his sight.   
This was one occasion when Marks and JBs anger was perfectly in sync as Yugyeom and Bambam sat on the receiving end of a double-barrelled tirade. JB had started and when he stopped to breath Mark had immediately jumped in to continue with the heated lecture about the stupidity of jumping from the stairs onto the sofa while attempting to undertake a triple star jump mid-air. Marks quiet personality was completely missing as he raised his voice to stress how angry he was at their stupidity. Adding to the mess was Yugi now had a muscle injury that they would all have to work around while he healed. JB was happy to take a back seat now aware that Mark had this, he was laid back at the best of times but when he was finally pushed to the point of anger he was scarily intimidating. Both Bambam and Yugi sat silently through his angry lecture only nodding when it seemed appropriate. 

After Mark and JB felt suitably happy about the length of the lecture for the idiots they sorted out some practicalities, Yugi was limping with his right ankle strapped up and they decided that Mark would keep him at home with him, at least for the next couple of days. Bambam did offer to take him but changed his mind when he saw both the hyungs flinch at this idea. JB made his goodnights after Mark had extended the invitation to stay to Bambam who had jumped at the chance after making a phone call to arrange a babysitter for the cats. Mark had shyly asked JB if he wanted to stay with them as well which he had declined but explained quietly that he had a personal mess to sort out. Mark looked at him closely, JB felt as though he was routing around in his mind, but then he nodded. Mark walked him to the door to let him out ‘Don’t get hurt doing this JB and especially don’t hurt him’ he said as he opened the door, JB bristled at his words but calmed down when he saw the concern on Marks face. ‘I could say the same to you’ he answered as he walked out into the hallway. Mark laughed his high-pitched laugh and JB smiled despite himself, ‘why are you laughing?’ he asked, puzzled. Mark smiled again while dipping his head, when he looked up his eyes were soft and gentle ‘Because it would never happen, he’d never hurt me and I would absolutely protect him, even to the point of it doing me harm, he will never be hurt’ his eyes turned glacial as he finished his speech and JB believed every damn word of it, he envied his confidence in his emotions. He raised his hand as goodbye and heard Marks quiet ‘good luck’ as he shut the door.

He stood in the street near Youngjae’s home holding his phone in his hand, he stared at the screen as if it would give him some kind of miraculous answer. He’d been standing there for 10 minutes and he was getting cold, he needed to make a decision, either message him, go knock on his door, or go home.  
‘Hyung?’ a soft voice spoke behind him, he turned to face Youngjae’s questioning face ‘Are you alright?’ he bent down and picked up Coco who was excitedly welcoming him. JB stepped closer to him until his chest had Coco pressed between them, she stilled in Youngjae’s arms at the close contact of both men. ‘Hello’ JB said as he lent forward and pressed his lips against Youngjae’s, it was short and sweet and Youngjae breathed a short ‘oh’ into his mouth as he pulled away. ‘I couldn’t just go home without seeing you and talking to you. This has been such a screw up ‘Youngjae raised his eyebrow at the word ‘screw up’ but JB shook his head, ‘I don’t mean us together I mean us trying to be together, everybody gets in the way!’ Youngjae giggled and raised his hand to pat the side of his face lovingly, ‘why don’t you come in for a drink Hyung. I’ve got strawberry milk in the fridge’ JB smiled and nodded and followed him into the building.   
Inside Youngjae’s flat he felt calmer, he looked at the bits and pieces on the shelf he recognised from their old room at the dorm. He didn’t miss sleeping on the floor, but he did miss the reassurance of Youngjae being there every night no matter how bad their day had been. Youngjae was busy sorting out Coco with food and drink and then washing his hands. He walked into the lounge and found JB sitting on the sofa staring into nothing, he handed him the drink and sat down next to him turning towards him, his face giving nothing away. JB knew he was waiting for him to speak, to explain, but all he wanted to do was kiss him, he had a sudden flash back to the hotel room so many years before. ‘Jaejae would you think me a complete bastard if I didn’t try and explain or sort anything out and I just kissed you?’ Youngjae looked at him closely and raised his hand to cup the side of JB’s face as he lent forward to kiss him gently, JB waited, letting him kiss him, as he hadn’t given an answer and was terrified this was a goodbye kiss. The kiss was light, brushing over his lips and then travelling across his jaw until Youngjae’s face was nuzzled into the crook of his neck inhaling deeply absorbing JB’s scent, his arms wrapped around his waist as he nuzzled and he held onto him as he spoke ‘I would love you to kiss me Hyung but I cant have another round of us getting all excited and then having to stop again, at least not tonight. If we start anything can we agree not to take off any clothes and….’ He giggled into his neck causing delicious vibrations down into JB’s chest ‘….can you at least try and stay with me tonight’ JB groaned in embarrassment and pulled him in for a tighter hug. ‘I’m sorry baby, I’d love to stay with you. How about we stay here and snuggle down on the sofa together?’ Youngjae raised his head and nodded his agreement as JB started moving backwards taking him with him. They settled down with JB laying on his back and Youngjae nestled between his legs with his head resting on his chest. JB gently stroked his head pushing his bangs away from his forehead. JB felt his tiredness wash over him, the day seemed to have been going on forever. But he felt a peace at last with his power singer sprawled over his body, he hooked his legs around Youngjaes pulling him in closer to his body, Youngjae sighed and pushed one arm up past JB’s face to wrap his hand into his hair twining it around his fingers holding on tightly. JB hummed in approval and Youngjae laughed breathlessly against him. ‘Beommie’ he murmured ‘whatever happens can we make sure we don’t lose this?’ JB let his arms drop so he could encircle his body and hold him tightly against him ‘Yes, I promise’ he murmured against the top of his head. His head slowly drifted backwards onto the cushion and he felt his eyes closing as he drifted off to sleep feeling safe and warm, Youngjae followed him shortly after Coco had jumped up and tucked herself at their side. 

JB’s back woke him up, the dull ache pushing through his consciousness. Youngjae was still sprawled over his chest snoring lightly, JB grinned at the cute noise, he’d missed that in his life he realised. They had all wanted to live independently after so many years of dorm life and had rushed to find their own homes when it became financially viable for them all to do so. The last year had been tough with all of them struggling in different ways to living alone. Some couldn’t manage it at all and ended up living with family or friends to deal with the solitude and loneliness. When Youngjae had admitted to him he was struggling and was going to ask his brother to move in JB wanted to suggest they moved in together but had waited too long to raise the subject again and when it eventually came up his brother had already moved into Youngjae’s flat. After his brothers marriage he hadn’t raised the subject again of being alone and JB wasn’t brave enough to suggest they live together, god knows how they would manage the dog, his cats and Youngjae’s allergies, the thought of it made him smile, their life was always complicated! His back was seriously complaining now so he hugged Youngjae tight and turned and wriggled round until he was on his side, Youngjae’s head was now on the pillow of his arm and their legs were a tangled mess. Youngjae wrapped his arm around him pulling him in tight and JB shushed him gently soothing him back to sleep curling his arm around Coco to keep her close as well.   
When Youngjae woke he was wrapped up with Coco in a blanket, JB had gone. He pushed back the covering and slowly got up stretching out his body. He loved his big old sofa, but it wasn’t made for two men to sleep on! He remembered being held tightly and having his head stroked whenever he stirred and JB murmuring to him but where had he gone now?


	6. Between Calm and Passion, which is the answer?

JB breathed deeply and pushed away his anger as JYP set off on his tirade again, this was the third round of him venting his anger about Yugyeom’s injury and the stupidity of the members behaviour pre comeback. JB just nodded in the appropriate places and looked suitably contrite. He had no intention of antagonising him further. He knew that Jackson and Mark were waiting for him at the coffee shop around the corner and he just wanted to get this over with and escape. JYP appeared to have run out of steam and dismissed JB informing him that all rehearsal schedules were suspended for 3 days but there would be other comeback activities added in so to inform the members to remain in touch. JB nodded and bowed respectfully as he left the office. He left the building quickly and made his way to the café, Mark and Jackson watched his approach and his coffee was sitting on the table waiting for him. He sat quickly and gave a huge sigh. ‘Was it that bad?’ Jackson asked sympathetically and JB nodded, they were both professionals at taking JYP’s rants and had their apologetic response perfectly practiced. ’Shit’ Mark responded pushing the drink closer to JB who nodded his thanks. ‘How is the big baby?’ he asked before taking a big gulp of the dark drink, it tasted good and he felt himself relaxing with the others supportive presence. Mark gave him a couple of minutes before updating both of them, ‘He had a rough night. Lots of pain and needed to take the pain killers and thank goodness they eventually knocked him out. Bambam is still in the self-blame mode but has cleaned my flat beautifully to cope with his feelings’ he flashed them both a smile and Jackson laughed out loud. ‘What’s the plan from JYP?’ Jackson asked while rejecting a call on his phone on the first ring. He put the phone back face down on the table and looked up at two pairs of curious eyes ‘Its JYP ok? I’m not answering it until my hyungs tells me what the plan is!’ Mark pulled his phone from his jacket pocket as it began to ring, he copied Jacksons behaviour and rejected the call. JB swung his face from one to another ‘What are you doing?’ he asked. The both looked at him and then Mark responded, ‘We are waiting for you, you’re the leader, so what’s our plan?’ JB took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face. ‘Mark are you happy to keep the two maknaes hidden at yours?’ Mark nodded his agreement immediately and JB turned to Jackson ‘Do you and Jinyoung think you can run interference with JYP, he finds you cute and you grovel as well as me, so you’re the best choice’ Jackson nodded, ‘I will ring Jinyoung-ie but I don’t see any problems, he’s at the TV company this morning but I’m meeting him at 11.30’ JB looked tense and then suddenly said ‘Jacks, please, you and Jinyoung………’ Jackson reached out and squeezed his arm ‘Don’t stress, I promise, no conversations about practice kissing!’ JB gave a sigh of relief at his words. Mark frowned ‘Who’s going to let Youngjae know what’s going on’ he looked closely at JB ‘You?’ he asked raising an eyebrow at him. JB rubbed his face again ‘What do you think? Do we keep him out of this as you know what JYP is like with him, he’s so critical and if he can’t get at us will he take it out on him, at least if we don’t involve him he can say he knows nothing’ he looked at the pair waiting for their views. Jackson squeezed his arm again as he spoke ‘Be realistic man, JYP will never believe he doesn’t know, and do you really want to leave Youngjae out there on his own?’ JB shook his head, he turned and looked at Mark knowing his opinion would affect their next actions. He returned JB's stare for a moment and then nodded at him as if they had had a conversation ‘I think you grab Youngjae and Coco and take them to your place. I wouldn’t put it past JYP to send someone to Youngjae’s to get info about us all, he’d never send anyone to yours he knows you’d go mad’ Jackson snorted out a laugh and nodded his agreement. Mark picked up his phone and pressed a number ‘Hi Youngjae, it me. Yes, I’m with JB and Jack. We have a plan; you need to pack up stuff for you and Coco as you’re going to JB’s. Yes, he’s fine with it, I know the cats hate Coco, but they will have to live with it. I can’t take Coco with me and Milo as the babies are staying with me for now. Yes, he got told off a lot because of the injury, yes ok, one min’ he held his phone out towards JB ‘he wants to talk to you’ he took the phone and held it to his ear ‘Hello?’ he said gently, hearing Youngjae’s anxious voice replying ‘Hi hyung, why do I need to come to yours?’ JB spoke as softly as he could ‘To keep Leader-nim away from all of us Jaejae, he wont send anyone to my house’ Youngjae hummed his agreement ‘Are you sure Beommie’ he asked softly and JB could hear the insecurity in his voice, he felt the muscles of his abdomen constrict at the tone of his voice, he had a sudden flash of Youngjae laying naked on his bed moaning his name and felt his groin tighten at the memory. ‘Jaebeom-ah?’ he heard his worried voice again and pulled himself together aware that he was now having a physical response to the images in his head. ‘yes Jae’ he answered unaware of the husky drop of his voice. Mark looked at Jackson and raised an eyebrow and got a grin in response as he mouthed ‘whipped’ at him. Youngjae asked again ‘Are you sure you don’t mind me and Coco coming to stay?’ JB took a deep breath, at last pushing the image playing in his head away enough to answer properly ‘Just pack up your stuff, I will be there in 30 minutes’ he handed the phone back to Mark with an abrupt ‘Thank you’. Mark resisted the urge to laugh at him and took his phone back placing it to his ear ‘Jae, get ready and he will be with you soon’ he paused and then said gently ‘and Jae, you need anything you can call either me or Jack and we will be there, ok?’ he then said goodbye and hung up. He looked up into JB’s scowl ‘What the hell did that mean?’ he asked. Mark looked at Jackson and said, ‘You going to explain to him or should I?’ Jackson shook his head ‘Don’t need to, already told him he’s whipped for the power vocalist he just wont admit it!’ he picked up his phone and suddenly said ‘Shit, I’m going to be late, gotta go, you know how bloody shitty Jinyoung is if you’re late. I will call JYP on the way to the TV studio and find out what he wants but I’m more scared of Jinyoung!’ He grabbed his jacket and gave JB a dazzling smile, ‘Just go with it OK, and don’t hurt him or we will both come looking for you!’ he laughed loudly and waved goodbye as he left the café. JB turned to Mark ‘Your turn?’ he asked. Mark shook his head at him and smiled gently ‘I’m not really in any position to lecture you am I? I’m not doing anything about being whipped myself. Just don’t hurt him’ JB frowned ‘Yours….who?’ he asked. Mark smiled sadly ‘For another time when we can drink a lot of wine and beer!’ JB snorted with laughter ‘Deal’ he said patting him on the back ‘I must go get Youngjae and that damn dog of yours, my cats are going to be pissed!’ he left to the sound of Marks laughter.


	7. I See All The Things I Did With You

The chaos had at last subsided, the animals had chosen their area of power and sat staring at each other with hate filled eyes. JB had wondered if Youngjae and Coco were moving in permanently with the amount of stuff they had dragged into his flat and realised he liked that idea and didn’t feel they were invading his private territory. They had got the first argument out of the way when Youngjae had meekly suggested they sort out JB’s spare room for him and Coco to sleep in, it functioned as a storage area/office most of the time. JB had shouted at him in frustration hating his idea to stay away from him, Youngjae threatened to leave eyes full of tears as they stood in an angry standoff in the kitchen. JB had eventually turned away keeping his hands busy making coffee, he spoke in a low voice ‘I don’t want you in the room next door, I want you in my bed with me, like we used to be’ His hands gripped the edge of the unit, angry and frustrated when suddenly two cold hands curved round his waist and interlinked just about the waistband of his trousers and Youngjae rested his head between his shoulder blades. A quiet voice said ‘I’d like that very much’ JB sighed and covered his hands with his own and stood their quietly as he felt Youngjae’s calm wash over him. He had turned around eventually and hugged him back until Coco came yapping around their ankles demanding Youngjae’s attention and they broke apart.   
They spent hours arranging his clothing and property, often intermixing their bits, it had an air of permanency about it but JB pushed the feeling away unable or unwilling to explore it further. The process taking much longer than expected as they found items in JB’s bedroom from their shared history and they would talk and laugh about their experiences. JB sat on the floor with his back against his bed, legs sprawled out in front, as Youngjae sat opposite him emptying the two bottom drawers of his unit into carboard boxes, he found photos and gifts going back to their pre-debut days and Youngjae’s explosive laugh echoed around the room bringing the place alive. Youngjae folded his clothes into the two draws as his stomach made a very loud gurgling noise and he giggled, JB smiled at him tenderly, he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so normal and unstressed, he realised that even Coco and Nora had joined them in the room and settled to sleep. ‘Hungry?’ he asked pushing himself up from the floor using the bed to steady him ‘Oh yes’ Youngjae answered shutting the bottom drawer bulging with his clothes. ‘I will order food and then jump in the shower, what do you want to eat?’ he asked offering Youngjae his hand to pull him up from the floor. He grabbed his hand and used it to balance rather than pull upon him. JB raised a questioning eyebrow at the lack of leverage and Youngjae felt his cheeks redden and he looked away. JB felt confused and asked, ‘Why not pull on me?’ Jae looked up at him eyes full of sadness ‘Sorry hyung but I can’t forget your back. I know its years now but I can’t pull on you to get up’ JB leant forward curling his hand around the nape of his neck ‘It’s ok now, I’m ok now’ he pulled him towards him until their foreheads touched, Youngjae sighed and said softly ‘I know but I worry’ he pulled away gently and said in a normal voice ‘But now you need to feed me!’ and laughed.   
They returned to the lounge bickering about food and finally decided on pizza, after completing his call JB carried the last bag through to the bedroom for Youngjae and said again he was going to jump in the shower. He left the bathroom door open so he could carry on talking to Youngjae after stepping under the stream of hot water. Youngjae shouted from the bedroom suddenly ‘hyung can I take a space in the bathroom for my toiletries?’ JB pushed his wet hair away from his face and called him into the bathroom so he could hear clearly. Youngjae wandered in surprised to see the back view of very naked hyung, he stared openly as JB leant against the back wall using his upper arms to brace himself against the wall, the hot water running down his head and back, he suddenly pushed his elbows outwards causing his shoulder blades to flex to their maximum width. Youngjae felt a flare of heat in his lower abdomen with flames curling into his groin, he looked magnificent and his hands itched to touch the walls of muscles and watch them twitch under his fingers ‘What did you want Jae?’ JB’s voice broke into his thoughts and Jae giggled thinking ‘If only you knew!’ he licked his bottom lip nervously as JB suddenly turned around towards him ‘Jae????’ his eyes were still closed as the water was running down his face and Youngjae stared openly at his thin muscled waist and powerful upper thighs, his eyes finally rested on his groin ‘Oh my god’ thought Youngjae ‘he’s gorgeous’ as JB shouted a bit louder ‘Jae, are you in here?’ Youngjae took a shaky breath before answering ‘Yes I’m here’ realising his voice had come out a bit squeaky. ‘oh ok’ he shouted, ‘just take whatever space you want for your stuff, can you pass me the shower gel on the side as this one is empty?’ Youngjae spun round and found the shower gel, he reached for the door and pulled it open a couple of inches to wriggle his hand into the cubicle, JB’s eyes opened as the door swung open a crack and he looked at a flushed Youngjae who slowly raised his head to make eye contact with him and showed his dark eyes swirling with lust. ‘Oh’ said JB, although it came out as more of a growl than a word. They stood looking at each other as the water dripped out of the shower onto Youngjae’s feet. JB managed to push out another word ‘Jae?’ and reached a hand towards him feeling his body respond to the emotion displayed in his eyes.   
He felt as if a cold bucket of water had been thrown on him as he heard the doorbell go and shouted ‘I don’t fucking believe this’ as Youngjae groaned loudly and stepped back away from the shower saying ‘I think the food is here’ as he walked through the bedroom he heard JB shout ‘I don’t fucking care’ and even Youngjae couldn’t stop the bitter laugh escaping him as he got to the door.


	8. Why Does My Wounded Heart Keep Searching For You?

Dinner was a cold affair; they ate with no conversation and Youngjae cuddled Coco close to his body the whole time. JB felt unable to make eye contact with him or talk about what had happened and scowled angrily at his food. Youngjae mulled over the option of going home or trying to get to Jackson’s or Jinyoung’s, he knew he would be welcome, but he didn’t know which house they were at and there would be too many questions to get this information. And what would he say to them? ‘JB and I keep getting ourselves into intimate situations and something always screws it up?’ he cringed in embarrassment even thinking about it. He could suggest the spare room again but JB had been so angry last time. But his first priority was that Coco needed her evening walk so he went and found his coat and called her to put on the little harness and lead. Fresh air seemed a very good idea. JB was cleaning the kitchen tops so he slipped out of the door closing it gently behind him. He didn’t really know the area well enough to wander so he decided to walk in a big square. Coco didn’t like to walk too far, and she definitely didn’t like the dark. He stayed on brightly lit streets and brooded over his next step. 

He turned the last corner and came back onto JB’s street, he was standing on the pavement outside his block watching the street in the other direction, Youngjae felt a sense of déjà vu as he walked towards him ‘Are you ok?’ he asked as he got just behind him. JB spun round and stared at him, he was breathing heavily and looked distraught. Youngjae came up close to him grabbing his arm ‘Hyung what’s wrong?’ he found himself enveloped in a tight hug, one arm snaked around his waist and pulled him in close while the other grabbed the back of his neck pulling his head into his shoulder. JB didn’t say a word and Youngjae stood stiffly in the embrace unsure what to do. Coco sat herself down on the pavement to wait. Seconds passed and neither man made any attempt to move, Youngjae felt himself relaxing and moulding into JB’s body, his free arm curved around his waist and held on tight as he listened to his heart beating. JB rested his cheek onto the top of Youngjae’s head and whispered ‘I’m sorry. I thought you had gone. I rang Jackson and Mark in case you turned up there. Jackson called me an arsehole but Jinyoung stopped him from coming here to kick my arse’ Youngjae chuckled at the thought of Jackson being his protector and pulled his head back to look him in the face ‘I took Coco for a walk and you weren’t talking to me, I did think about going to them but I wasn’t sure which home they had gone to and I didn’t want to have to explain’.

JB sighed and rested his forehead against his ‘Why can’t we get this to work?’ he asked. His breath gently washing over Youngjae’s face. He looked into the eyes that were so valuable to him and hated that he had made him think about going to stay with someone else ‘Come back inside please. I will behave I promise’ Youngjae chuckled and reached up to stroke his face ‘What you fail to realise is that I don’t want you to behave Beommie, but I’m getting whiplash from the changes’ ‘Please come back inside with me’ he answered and Youngjae nodded. They separated and JB interlinked their fingers as they walked back into the building. ‘I better ring Jinyoung and make sure Jackson isn’t on his way here to kill me’ JB said as he opened the door for Youngjae to walk past him. He watched him take his coat off and remove Coco’s harness, ‘You want coffee?’ he asked as he walked to the kitchen. Youngjae watched him closely, moving about the kitchen, always enthralled by his fluid movement. He took a deep breath, he loved this man and the whole situation couldn’t continue how it was, they needed to make a decision, but he also knew you couldn’t force JB to talk about his feelings. It was so frustrating, but he couldn’t continue without trying to resolve the situation. 

He followed him to the kitchen knowing he would need to be the brave one and placed his head between his shoulder blades, he always feels so safe and comforted resting there, he wrapped his arms around his waist and hugged him tightly feeling his warmth. JB’s hands covered his and he gently stroked the back of his hands with his thumbs, he coughed slightly before saying ‘We need to talk Jae’ Youngjae was surprised but hopeful, he kept his arms locked around his waist and snuggled his face against his back. A happy giggle bubbled up from his chest at him suddenly wanting to talk and felt JB stiffen in anger? In frustration?, he spoke to JB as soon as his giggles subsided ‘There are many things Hyung we need to do but at this moment talking isn’t a priority. We haven’t had an awful lot of success but now you need to….’ He tilted up onto his toes and rested his chin on his shoulder placing his plump lips next to JB’s ear as he whispered ‘…fuck me’. JB bit back a gasp, still not used to this brutally honest Youngjae but he felt the jolt to his groin in response to his breathy words. He spun around and grabbed hold of Youngjae as he leant forward and latched his mouth onto the area just below his ear, where his breathy admission had previously been, and he sucked on the skin in an open mouthed kiss, he was encouraged by the hitch in JB’s breathing and the subtle tilt of his head away from his mouth offering more skin to explore. He took the invitation and his mouth travelling down to his exposed neck where he suddenly bit into the pale skin. JB moaned loudly and tilted his head further over away allowing him full access, he felt Youngjae’s chuckle against his skin ‘you like that Hyung?’ he breathed as he bit the sensitized area again. JB moaned his response not really sure what words he could manage; he was enveloped in Youngjae’s smell and touch and he wasn’t going to say or do anything to risk that being withdrawn. Youngjae’s hands moved to hold his hips and pulled him in closer to his own body and slowly began grinding against him, the movements were small and specific for maximum friction. He was talking into JB’s neck, in-between each sentence he was biting and then licking the delicate area around his collar bone. JB swallowed down his moans to ensure he heard everything that was said, not wanting to miss a thing. ‘For years I thought I had dreamed our kiss, I thought I was mad, then you kissed me, and I knew it wasn’t a dream because my body remembered you. Why didn’t you ever say it was real, It’s driven me mad for years wanting to kiss you like my dream, nobody else’s kisses were right, something was always missing’ at this point Youngjae took a piece of skin between his lips and suckled on it knowing he would leave a mark, he felt the frustration of not being able to claim JB for years and it was now driving him to mark him as his own. A throaty moan escaped JB which he could no longer contain at the combination of pleasure and pain and he pulled Youngjae tighter enhancing the friction as their bodies collided.

He curled his hand around the back of Youngjae’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss, it had an element of desperation to it and Youngjae found himself gently stroking his head to reassure him. JB broke away from the kiss and pulled his hand from his head to cup the side of his face turning into it and nuzzled his palm with small kisses. He flicked his tongue out to lick his palm and Youngjae breathed a small moan ‘Beommie, please’. JB grabbed his legs and pulled him up against his body ‘Hold on baby’ he whispered as Youngjae wrapped his arms around his shoulders and leaned his face into the curve of his neck feeling the muscle flex under his lips. 

He walked slowly to the bedroom holding him tightly as Youngjae murmured soft words into his neck, it felt perfect and a small curl of anxiety grew in his chest at how this could be ruined, he couldn’t face hurting him again, he needed to make sure nobody called or decided to visit before he gave him his complete attention. He reached the bedroom and sat on the bed with Youngjae still wrapped around him ‘Jaejae he said gently ‘I need to ring the others, I need to check in and to make sure we don’t get any unwanted guests! I also haven’t checked to see if Jack is on his way here to kill me’ Youngjae chuckled and he felt the vibrations through his neck and shoulder ‘Good plan hyung’ he answered but made no move to release himself from JB’s body. JB raised a questioning eyebrow ‘You staying there while I make the calls?’ Youngjae gave a small nod and began nibbling under his jaw and JB attempted to reach his phone on the side by the bed. He chuckled and said ‘Jae, lean!’ and pulled over to the right slightly taking his bodily attachment with him and swiped his phone to use. They righted themselves and Youngjae continued his investigation of JB’s jaw and neck. 

He found the first number of his phone while trying not to be too distracted by Youngjae’s activities and he heard Jinyoung answer abruptly ‘If you’re ringing to tell us you’ve upset him again I wont be able to stop Seunie from coming to yours, I’m warning you!’ At the same time, he could hear Jackson shouting in the background ‘I’ve got the car keys, what’s he done? Tell Youngjae I will be there in 10 minutes!’ He then listened to them bickering until Jinyoung came back on the phone ‘make it quick, what have you done as Seunie is at the door!’ JB groaned and he felt Youngjae snickering against his neck obviously able to hear clearly what was being said ‘Nothing has happened but I plan for something to happen and I wanted to make sure we weren’t interrupted’ he heard a soft ‘oh’ from Jinyoung and then him shouting at Jackson to get away from the front door as everything was fine. ‘So, what do you want then?’ Jinyoung asked ‘technical advice?’ and JB groaned feeling the vibrations of another giggle from Youngjae in his neck ‘No thank you’ he answered curtly ‘I’m sure I can manage’ and he hung up before Jinyoung could say something snarky. 

He found Mark’s number and started to ring the number when Youngjae chose to push down into his lap causing a delightful friction and he nearly dropped his phone, unfortunately Mark answered as both men groaned in appreciation of the contact and JB heard him shout ‘Yah, what the fuck is this?’ at having experienced their reaction in full. Youngjae had leant back away from him disentangling his legs and was smiling as he slid down from his body to be kneeling on the floor. JB could see the glint of devilment in his eye as he answered Mark and Youngjae was already undoing the front of his jeans ‘Mark, I’m just checking in as I wont be around for at least a couple of hours’ he managed to say as Youngjae pulled the front of his jeans apart and lent forward to slowly blow his hot breath through the material of his pants onto his twitching dick. JB clamped his mouth shut on a moan and tried to pay attention to what Mark was saying ‘…….so the doctor has cleared him to start gentle movement but no jumping onto that ankle’ JB gasped as Youngjae’s hand slipped into his pants and run in up and down his erection. Marks reaction to the gasp was unexpected ‘Its not that bad JB, he’s moving around ok in doors and he’s even mucked about with Bambam whenever he thought he could get away with it’. Youngjae chose that moment to free him from his pants and swirl his tongue around the head before capturing it between his lips. He kept the eye contact throughout and raised one eyebrow in question as he slowly took more and more of JB’s length into his mouth ‘Oh god’ JB moaned totally zoning out from anything Mark was saying, he could hear his voice but nothing else. He thinks he may have said a hurried goodbye as he threw his phone across the room. He growled at Youngjae as he tangled his hands into his hair and concentrated fully on his power singers attentions.


	9. This Is what I'm Telling You, I Hope That You Listen To This Song

He wasn’t sure if he was going to survive the Youngjae smiling up at him wickedly as he swirled his tongue around the head of his dick, he moaned loudly although is was a close competition which actually was the sexiest, what he was doing with his tongue or the look on his face as he did it. He suddenly let go and stood up in front of a gasping JB. ‘Come shower with me’ he demanded reaching out with his hand as JB stared at him blankly before answering a lost ‘What?’ Youngjae gave him a fake stern look ‘JB, shower, now!’ and he jumped up off the bed stripping his clothes on the way to the bathroom ‘You do know I’ve already showered?’ he asked as Youngjae assisted with removing his t-shirt and took the opportunity to launch himself at him to suckle on his neck causing them to crash into the wall separating the bedroom and bathroom. Youngjae dropped to his knees in front of him and took him into his mouth again sliding more of his length inside and using his gifted tongue to stimulate the underside, JB moaned loudly gripping the man’s hair fighting an inner battle not to thrust wildly into his mouth and half gasped, half laughed ‘Well that’s proved its bullshit that you open your mouth too wide’.

Youngjae chuckled around his dick and it was the sexiest thing he had ever felt, the younger man pulled and pushed down JB’s clothing freeing him properly and obeyed his demands to ‘Step out’ as he untangled his feet from the trousers and threw them across the room. He curved his cold hands around JB’s arse cheeks and held him tight as he increased his head movements as his nails gently scratching the skin pulling deep moans from his leader. JB threw his head back in a response to a deep swoop on his dick and there was a loud crack as it hit the wall behind him. ‘Jesus’ he moaned feeling slightly dizzy at the force of the impact. Youngjae pulled back to the end of his dick letting it pop from his mouth with a quick swirl of his tongue to the head, he giggled at JB’s groan of regret. ‘You ok?’ he asked as he stood up and faced him with concerned eyes. ‘No’ he answered, ‘you stopped!’ Youngjae smiled sweetly with a glint of the devil and walked into the bathroom ‘Shower first!’ he answered looking glorious naked, all his hard work had toned his body to perfection. The sound of the knock on the front door froze them both in place. JB looked at Youngjae with murder in his eyes as they heard the 2nd knock. Youngjae went to step forward and JB shouted ‘Don’t!’ He grabbed his jeans from the corner and pulled them on while maintaining his eye contact with Youngjae ‘Don’t move, you hear me, I’m not joking, stay there!’ and stormed towards the door. Youngjae immediately grabbed two large towels and wrapped one around his waist and used the other to cover his shoulders racing after JB before he killed whoever was at the door. 

JB threw open the door looking like a half-naked possessed axe murderer ‘I swear to god this better be good!’ he bellowed as the terrified delivery man stepped back away from him. He thrust the box towards JB with his clipboard balanced on top ‘You…. need…to….sign…..sir’ he stuttered obviously too frightened to step forward. He stepped further away when the half-naked angry man was suddenly pushed to one side by a half-naked pretty man dressed in towels who was smiling sweetly, if possible the delivery mans eyes widened further and he was frantically switching his eye contact from one man to the other praying neither of them had a weapon. ‘Can I help you?’ the smiling man asked grabbing at the towel on his waist that had slipped precariously lower while he tussled with the angry man removing him from the doorway. The delivery man watched him grab at the towel with one hand while holding the other man off with a hand to his chest. ‘You…need…to…sign’ he pushed out again dreading which one would offer to undertake this task, Mr Angry or Mr Towel. Mr Towel turned to Mr Angry, the smile slipped off his face as he barked ‘Sign the bloody delivery note’ and removed his hand from the other mans chest. Mr Angry stepped forward glaring over his jutting jaw and the delivery man shrank further back against the opposite wall. The clipboard was snatched from his hand and Mr Angry scribbled something on the piece of paper trusting it back into his hand and the parcel was taken from him. As soon as it left his hand he half bowed politely and staggered down the corridor from the strange men towards the lift grateful he was still living. 

Youngjae and JB stepped back into the flat slamming the door quickly before collapsing onto the floor giggling hysterically ‘Did you see his face’ Youngjae shrieked tears pouring down his face as they hugged each other. JB looked at the small brown box curiously ‘What is it?’ Youngjae ‘It’s got Ahgase stickers on it but I recognise the writing for the address’ They stayed sitting on the floor as he ripped open the top and looked at the contents and then looked up at Youngjae his eyes wide in surprise as he pulled out a sheet of paper and read the note. There was a moments silence before he said, ‘I will kill the pair of them, bloody smartarses!’ as he spoke he tipped the contents of the box onto the floor while passing the note to Youngjae. Condoms, Tubes of lube, massage oil and a pair of fluffy red handcuffs scattered over the floor in front of them making Youngjae stare wide eyed at the treasure before him. He looked up at a red faced JB and burst out laughing again. He glanced at the note and realise it was Jinyoung’s handwriting he had recognised on the outside of the box. The note read:

To our darling Otter please use the presents enclosed to make out beloved Leader a much happier person.  
With lots of love.  
Jack and Jinyoungie 

Youngjae started collecting the products up and putting them into the box as JB watched him closely, he managed to get up off the floor without loosing his towels and then bent to pick up the gifts. He looked at JB with twinkling eyes and said, ‘Come on then, lets go do as they say!’ and fled towards the bathroom laughing loudly.

The shower wasn’t quite what Youngjae had planned as he had serious intentions, but the light-hearted mood continued, and they laughed and joked as JB washed Youngjae’s body and hair. There was kissing, lots of kissing but the experience was gentle and loving and JB felt their connection over the years re-establish, he felt a deep glow of contentment in his chest whenever he made eye contact with Youngjae and the inner peace that only this man could give him was burning brightly. He was wrapping him in a towel when he felt the atmosphere change, he had rubbed his hair dry and he had lifted his head and smiled at JB, he had felt the jolt of lust rip through him and had leant forward to kiss him. It was like flipping a switch and his playful otter disappeared to be replaced by a sexy lustful man, Youngjae wrapped his arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss swirling his tongue around the other man’s while moaning into his mouth. They broke apart and JB took his hand walking him to the bed, Youngjae climbed onto the centre of the bed and suddenly looked lost. JB frowned and climbed up next to him ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked ‘We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to’ and Youngjae laughed ‘Why do I have to keep telling you this is what I want! I’m sitting naked on your bed Hyung!’ and JB smiled at him ‘Then what’s wrong?’ Youngjae sighed ‘What if something happens, again’ and he looked down breaking their eye contact. JB crawled over to him positioning himself between his legs as he pushed him back flat onto the bed, he smiled gently and answered ‘I don’t care if the building catches fire I’m going to do everything you want Youngjae, You hear me?’ and he dipped his head to run his tongue around his right nipple feeling it harden at his action ‘Yes’ Youngjae breathed out in response as he carded his hands through JB’s long hair pulling it back from the sides of his face. JB used his other hand to rub his thumb over the other nipple while he investigated Youngjae’s collarbone with his mouth, his kisses, bites and licks pulling moans and sighs from the man under him. JB felt the first push up against him as Youngjae searched for friction from the contact of their naked bodies. He pushed down against him maximising the close contact while raising his head to whisper in the younger mans ear ‘this what you need baby?’ he asked and Youngjae whimpered in response breathing out a needy ‘yes’. JB wasn’t sure who was getting more desperate as they ground against each other shifting their hips when an intense clash was achieved, and they chased the feeling again. He was so hard he was sure he was going to embarrass himself if they didn’t calm it down, he pulled back to talk to Youngjae and within seconds he was drowning in the lust filled eyes of his power singer ‘Jae’ he panted ‘what do you want me to do because if we carry on this is going to end pretty quickly’ Youngjae grabbed his hand and moved it in-between their bodies wrapping it around both of the dicks ‘Please’ he whimpered ‘I need…’ and JB got it immediately, this wasn’t about him it was about what this beautiful man needed. ‘One minute’ he whispered against his mouth as he reached for one of the gifts on the bedside unit.

He managed to get the top off the tube with one hand and his teeth as Youngjae became more determined in his attempts to thrust against his hand sandwiched between them. He removed his hand to a sob from the other man ‘One minute baby’ he whispered again kissing him gently on the mouth ‘its ok, I’ve got you’ and he managed to squeeze a generous amount of the lube into his palm using one hand. He threw the rest of the tube somewhere in the room as the lube warmed in his hand and he pushed it back between their bodies and swirled it around both of their dicks. The sound that came of Youngjae’s mouth nearly made him come on the spot. He knew at some stage he would have to think about how this was the sexiest thing he had ever done but at the moment his whole focus was making the incredible man under him feel great. He increased the grip and experimented with the pace of his strokes. He leant onto his other arm so he could watch Youngjae fracturing apart under him. He was panting and moaning his name, his hands alternating between grabbing the bedding either side of his body or reaching up for JB to clash their lips together. JB felt incredible, from the delicious friction his hand was causing for both of them to the knowledge he was doing this to the other man, he had never felt so powerful and so in love. He felt the change in Youngjae’s movements, and he knew he was chasing his release. He opened his eyes and looked into JB’s, ‘Beommie’ he breathed ‘you finish with me?’ and he nodded unable to say anything as he was keeping a tight grip on his own needs. He increased his pace and pressure until Youngjae suddenly screamed as he felt him release over his hand, JB relaxed the hold he had on his own release and joined him collapsing over his body.

He heard Youngjae’s voice calling him giggling ‘Beommie, you’re squashing me’ and a gentle push against his shoulder. He opened one eye and looked into his smiling face, ‘Hi’ he whispered and lent forward to kiss him gently before rolling off his body. He realised they had trapped their releases between them and sighed as he lifted his body up to sit on the edge of the bed. Two arms wrapped around his shoulders and gentle kisses fluttered across the top of his back ‘Where you going’ a soft voice asked him ‘I’m going to clean up and bring back a cloth for you’ he answered and the arms dropped away as he stood up. ‘Ok, be quick, we have lots more to do’ the man he adored answered before chuckling and throwing himself back onto the bed. JB smiled wildly as he rushed into the bathroom determined not to waste any time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for staying to the end. I loved writing this story although I am toying with writing Marks untold ending. See you again soon!


	10. Bonus Chapter - Who Did Mark Care About?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to go back and write this bonus chapter because I felt it was missing from the story.

The Comeback was long finished and by the weekend they will be separating up to go do their individual projects. Bambam had suggested a dinner before they said their goodbyes for at least two months and had booked a private room for them at their favourite BBQ restaurant. Jackson and Jinyoung always found this part the hardest although they flew back and forward to each other, it was the goodbye that was painful. JB was next to Youngjae on the long bench seat, they had finished eating and Youngjae had turned sideways and thrown his legs over his boyfriend while resting his head on his shoulder. Their fingers were entwined and every now and then JB raised their hands and kissed Youngjae’s knuckles.

He looked across at his closest friend who was slumped against Jackson being kept close by his arm around his waist. They made eye contact and JB raised his eyebrow in question. He could see the resigned sadness in Jinyoung’s eyes and mouthed ‘when does he go?’ at him and was surprised when he responded with ‘tomorrow’. Jackson was talking with Bambam who was sitting the opposite side to him and planning a meet up in Thailand in six weeks’ time. They asked JB if they would come and he said it would be up to Youngjae as he had more commitments than him now. The man in question sighed and answered slowly ‘I’d love to go; shall we go together?’ to JB who nodded. Youngjae joined the other men’s conversation and they started talking seriously about dates to travel.

JB looked away knowing he would be told later what he was doing. His gaze drifted to the end of the table and watched Mark talking with Yugi, the young man had his head on Marks shoulder and was playing with his hyungs hand that was resting on the table, slowing wrapping his longer fingers around the other mans. It was delicately sensual and JB watched Mark close his eyes in response to the touch with a slight blush on his cheeks. As his eyes were closed Yugi lifted his head from his shoulder to stare at Mark closely with a soft calmness, JB had never seen him look at someone like that. And then suddenly JB recalled his conversation in the café with Mark and it all became clear, it was Yugi, he was the person Mark cared about. Mark suddenly opened his eyes and made direct eye contact with JB along the table. Their eyes locked and JB mouthed at him ‘Tell him’ watching Marks eyebrows raise before he mouthed back ‘Dangerous’ Mark turned to the young man next to him and was surprised by a pair of serious dark eyes watching him closely ‘What’s dangerous to tell me?’ he asked before continuing ‘You go to LA the day after tomorrow and I wont see you for 6 weeks at least, what’s so dangerous you cant tell me before you go?’ he didn’t break the eye contact as he spoke and untangled his fingers from his hand so his arms could slowly encircled the older man’s waist before he spoke again ‘can you really not tell me?’ he broke the close observation to look at Marks hands laying on the table his fingers curled into his palms. 

Mark looked back at JB who was sitting with Youngjae snuggled on his lap, he turned his gaze to Jackson who had Jinyoung cuddled up to his side as he fed the other man the ‘best bits’ of their BBQ. His eyes finally rested on Bambam who was watching calmly ‘You have nothing to say?’ Mark asked him and Bam shrugged his shoulders before answering ‘You should tell him; he would really like to know’ he finished speaking and popped a piece of meat into his mouth and chewed happily. 

Mark raised his hand from the table and uncurled his fingers before gently touching Yugi’s face, the young man raised his trusting eyes to Marks and waited. There was silence around the table as Mark spoke ‘Come to LA with me, be with me, we can stay with my parents or do some travelling, I will do whatever you want if you go with me’ A slow smile spread over Yugi’s face as he gave a small nod and said ‘Yes. I’d like that.’


End file.
